I think I’m having a control issue/obsession with my weight.
I started off as a 99lb, 5-foot-tall girl. I didn’t think my body was perfect, not at all. I have an hourglass shape, which means that clothes will ALWAYS fit me weirdly. Even if my waist can fit into an extra small or small sized shirt or dress, my chest requires M or sometimes even L.
Anyway, I got really sick a while back and I had to take lots of medicines, which included steroids. These made me gain weight. Not that much, but that weight gain was enough to make me look chubby and enough to make me hate myself.
Now I’m 115 lbs, which is not at all chubby, but I still hate the way I look even though my boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful. I certainly don’t want to go back to my sick-era weight (ribs sticking out, cheeks sunken, etc.) but I want to be able to fit into my XS dresses again.
Long story short, I’m now becoming fixated on eating less and less in an attempt to go back to 99lbs. I’m not exercising because I’m too busy for that, but I’m starting to drown myself in green tea and water and pushing away solid food.
I know this isn’t good because my studies and my work require lots of physical and mental energy, and I can’t fall behind on my nutritional requirements. If I don’t eat, my body will fail, my nerves will be shot, my brain will stop churning. I’m trying to supplement this by taking vitamins, but I still know I need food.
I’m not going to become anorexic, don’t worry. I’m making a conscious effort not to go overboard with dieting. All I will do is simply cut of all unhealthy foods, control my portions, drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep. I may not be able to go back down to 99lbs as fast as I want, but at least I’ll lose my excess weight safely.
Oh well, thanks for reading. Have a good day!